Tony Stark (MCU) and the Evolution of His Epic Dad Energy
We all know Tony Stark is the most dynamic character in the MCU. He changes -- dramatically. He grows. Follow any thread through time and you'll see this dynamism at work.
Take, for example, the theme of fatherhood. Throughout the Infinity Saga, Tony cobbles together a healthy notion of fatherhood basically from scratch. After all, he has no role models to follow. Throughout Tony's early life, Howard Stark was a distant workaholic who, evidence suggests, was more focused on developing his son's prodigious technical genius than on developing his son's character or emotional intelligence. Perhaps, given more time, Tony and Howard might've sorted out their issues and forged a more affectionate bond, but -- well, we all know how things turned out. Howard was taken too soon, and Tony was locked in a state of seemingly permanent adolescence (as revealed by his early attitude regarding authority in particular).
We know all of the above from Tony's own self-report -- which, granted, may not be wholly reliable. But if you look at something as simple as, say, the way Tony interacts with his first creations, I think the case for Howard's coldness is pretty strong. With the workshop bots, Tony's short and scolding -- all threats and dunce caps. There's an undercurrent of love there, yes, but it's expressed rarely and generally through action rather than words. With JARVIS, on the other hand, we see what Tony really wanted from his dad instead: an ever-present guardian who both challenges and protects. I say "challenges" because Tony programmed JARVIS to be sassy as hell. I says "protects" because -- duh. Listen, listen: JARVIS straight-up saves Tony's life in Iron Man 3. The AI is also apparently programmed to notify Tony when he's gone too long without sleeping/eating/otherwise taking care of himself -- or to warn Tony when he's about to do something stupid and/or dangerous. And yeah, Tony ignores JARVIS most of the time because Tony Stark Does What He Wants, but he must find some comfort in those reminders or he wouldn't have given JARVIS those capabilities in the first place. Bottom line: JARVIS was apparently made for reasons beyond the pragmatic; JARVIS was, in fact, made in part to fill a hole in his master's heart.
So that's it. That's Tony's box of daddy scraps. That's what Tony has at his disposal at the start of his journey to fatherhood: the criticism he knows and his inchoate longing for something more. The former comes naturally; the latter is the ideal he stumbles towards from the moment he crash-lands in a snowy field in rural Tennessee.
Encountering Harley is an accident that happens at a particularly vulnerable moment, but Tony rolls with it the best he knows how (at least at this time): by being snarky and standoffish the way he would if an adult had caught him in this compromising position. But even in that very first scene with Harley, we see Tony warring with himself. He yells at Harley for messing with the armor -- but then he internally berates himself and changes tack. When Harley mentions that his dad has abandoned him, Tony crudely brushes him off -- but is also folding his arms, which is a huge tell that Harley's story has hit home. (Every time Tony folds his arms, something's going on with him emotionally. He folds his arms when he admits to Pepper that he's struggling. He folds his arms when he has that panic attack on the side of the road. Seriously: don't challenge me to write a post on Tony and arm-folding as a sign of distress because I'll totally do it. Also: damn you, RDJ, for being so freakin' good that you're consistent with your body language.) By the end of their initial meeting, Tony has set up sort of a quid-pro-quo relationship with Harley based on their mutual self-interest -- but isn't it odd that he guesses correctly that Harley's being bullied? Tony's leading with his gruff and crusty side here, but the kind and nurturing side is also peeking through the armor. That's why I find all his moments with Harley in Iron Man 3 so curiously charming. Here, Daddy Stark is being born.
The next evolution happens with Peter. This relationship is also, at first, kindled by Tony's self-interest: he needs an extra hand on deck. But Tony's also visibly enchanted by Peter the moment the kid explains why he decided to become Spiderman -- and no wonder given that Peter's motivations are extremely similar to Tony's (a topic for another post). And when all hell breaks lose on the Germany trip, Tony commits himself to mentoring Peter for the duration to atone -- a major step he's clearly not quite ready to take given how much he struggles during Homecoming and Infinity War to, once again, overcome his own childhood conditioning. Dear God, Tony tries with Peter. He tries so hard with his baby monitors and his adorably nonsensical advice. ("Don't do anything I wouldn't do. And don't do anything I would do." Say what, Tony? Want to run that by us again, you silly dork?) And you can tell Tony cares and is especially terrified that Peter will be hurt or killed living the superhero life -- the reason why Tony fusses at the kid so much. But there's still a part of Tony that wants to push Peter away with sarcasm and abrasiveness too, so he swings wildly between "I want to break the cycle of shame" and "Zip it, the adult is talking" as two conflicting impulses duke it out inside his messed-up head.
But through all of his mistakes with Harley and Peter, Tony is learning too. Learning, in fits and starts, how to be more open. Learning, over time, how to be softer. So when Morgan comes along, Tony finally starts to get it right. He looks at all of his regrets and pain and loss and works out, at long last, what he needs to do differently to escape all the issues that have been holding him back. And thus, post-Gap, we see a Tony who is so, so gentle and demonstrative -- a Tony who just cannot stop cuddling his kid. In every scene with his daughter, we see Tony hugging Morgan or caressing her hair. What's more, when Morgan asks for his attention, he gives it -- even if it means stepping away from his time travel problem for a minute to have a juice pop. It's like he resolved, immediately post-Snap, to do everything he never got to do with his other ersatz kids. It's like he remembered everything his father did and decided to do the opposite. And the results reverberate beyond his little family on the lake. When he rejoins the Avengers, he's softer with them too. When a distressed Thor, for instance, tries to commit suicide-by-gauntlet, it's Tony who steps up and stops him. The Epic Dad Energy runneth over. Tony can't stop it. The dam has been cracked open.
This transformation I've just described is just as phenomenal as the transformation from spiritually dead cynic to self-sacrificing hero - and it's just one more reason why Tony Stark is the most beautifully written character in the MCU.
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