You Can't Force People to Embrace You

I've always been an oddity. I rock sometimes when I'm thinking or I'm trying to relax; I'm extremely sensitive to sound and touch; I find it difficult to mingle in a crowd; and I'm prone to developing almost single-minded obsessions with things that catch my fancy (Iron Man blogging, anyone?). Consequently, I've never been popular.

When I was in junior high, this disturbed me greatly -- the whole lack of popularity thing, I mean. So I started reading Seventeen in an attempt to crack the girl code. I begged my parents to buy me clothes that were "cool" in 1991-1992 (oh, God, don't ask!). I even got a perm and tried makeup (never again!). But none of these efforts cured the awkward sense of difference. It took high school and a small group of weirdo friends for me to finally settle into my true identity.

That's what everyone needs, I think: at least one friendship with someone who will take you as you are. It's in an intimate relationship like this that you will find the validation every human craves.

You will not find that validation in the courthouse or the halls of government no matter how much you scream for it.

What you can reasonably expect from the government is a promise to leave you be. Though my inner Christian believes certain lifestyles are questionable at best and deeply damaging to the soul at worst, my inner libertarian has no desire to legally interfere with the decisions of other grown adults because said inner libertarian believes the government is not, ultimately, an instrument of peaceful persuasion.

Indeed, any time you're tempted to petition the government to step in on a cultural or philosophical dispute, you should always ask yourself if you're willing to get what you want through violence.

Some people may scoff at this. "The government can always impose a fee. That's hardly 'violence'." Oh? And what if I neglect to pay this fee? Here come the cops with the guns.

Those cops are sometimes needed to safeguard our rights to life, liberty, and property. But we should be excruciatingly careful in distinguishing between situations in which the threat of violent enforcement is appropriate and situations in which that threat is out-of-bounds.

So let's come back to our aforementioned fundamental need for validation. There are many disturbed individuals out there who've decided they will not be happy unless the entire world is forced through government diktat to affirm their identities. I recognize - and on some level empathize with - the root lack that animates this sort of activism. That doesn't change the fact that it's evil.

It's evil to bully people into professing "your truth".

And furthermore, it's ineffective. Oh, sure: if you succeed in getting a law passed that demands that, say, aestheticians wax your balls or else, most people will swallow their discomfort and do it because most people aren't contrary enough to enjoy confrontation. But what you'll get from this are mere ritualized displays of acquiescence, not the genuine affirmation and love you seek. Beneath the surface, people will resent the hell out of you - legitimately - for your selfish imposition. No minds will actually be changed.

Put down the club and get yourself a pal -- someone who will wrap you in tender loving care. Only then will you actually feel comfortable in your own skin.